I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
