happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
