I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
