maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
