I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
