you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
