She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
