come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
