if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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