Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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