Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
