The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
