If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
