You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
