a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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