Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
