isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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