I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize