i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
