im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
