I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
