I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
