it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
