Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
