We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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