I'm gonna have a badass scar
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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