The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
