Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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