I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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