I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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