cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
