Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
