Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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