If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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