I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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