made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
