You can't motorboat a personality
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
