Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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