living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
