she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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