How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
