remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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