I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
should my penis look like a turkey
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I currently don't understand fingers.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
