I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
