I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
