She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
