That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
