I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
