Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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