i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
