I think im going to throw up on grandma
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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