i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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