I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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