I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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