I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You pole danced in your parka.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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