i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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