Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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