I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
