The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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