Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
