best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
