I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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