Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
