I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
