And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
