If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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