When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
