I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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