i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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