DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i now understand why vodka
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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