your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
