I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
