BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
