I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
