so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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