do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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