He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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