We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
